work schticks

Several years ago I frequented a spa in the U. District that had massage plus steam and sauna rooms. Since it was sort of an overall spa place, if I wanted a massage with my sauna, I might get a different massage therapist at any given time, unless maybe I requested someone specifically.

This one woman I saw, let's call her Helen, was OK enough. She used Tiger Balm, which I kind of like, but also view it as sort of a ben gay-ish crutch in the massage bag of tricks. So that was sort of strike one. As I lay down on the massage table, on my back, she asked me to move my legs over a bit.
Now, having recently been to massage school, I knew how to position myself on a table so that I was straight, so it seemed a bit odd, but I complied by moving my legs to the left, then basically moving them right back to where they were. She seemed pleased with this, and then with a wry smile said "As my grandmother would say, your legs were all cattywhompus (sp??)." She seemed delighted to deliver this folksy little colloquialism to me, and I provided the appropriate chuckle as her reward.

The rest of the massage was OK, not the best I've had, but it got the job done.

A few months later I returned to the spa, and got this same woman for a massage. I assume she sees many customers, so wasn't too surprised when she didn't recognize me.

I got on the table, made sure my legs were in perfect alignment with my body, and waited. She gave my body a quick up and down eyeball and _again_ asked me to straighten my legs. Then she delivered the gut-wrenching statement that, as her grandmother would say, my legs were all cattywhompus. It was then that I knew this was her schtick. This was what she said to all her new clients, to give them that warm, downhome feeling. I viewed it as horribly obnoxious. Particularly because the rest of her banter was so mundane, this cattywhompus phrase stuck out.

I left, and vowed never to return again. Since then I have discovered Olympus Spa, and have never looked back since.

OK, so here's another one. At my dentist office, one of the dental assistants has an ongoing schtick where she looks at my tongue during the cleaning. Each time, she comments that I have a few little white dots on my tongue that speak to me either being iron-deficient or b-vitamin deficient. Not enough of a problem to show up in blood tests, mind you, but deficient nevertheless.

She counsels me on getting vitamin supplements, and goes into great detail about which supplements to get, when to take them, and why this is of such urgent importance. This is all while she's got her hands in my mouth, so I can't even politely tell her to mind her own beeswax and stick to what she knows, which is getting my teeth spic 'n span. I manage a few grunts of acknowledgement, and pray that her advice will end. It usually takes about 10 minutes to get through the sermon, then it's over.

I imagine her day is fairly monotonous, and she needs a nice, safe schtick to work off of. She can talk while people are a captive audience, and it probably makes the time go by more quickly. Fortunately this time around mid-way through her speech she had to switch with the other hygienist - the heavy smoker who is not about health, but instead into reminiscing with me about my favorite cigarette brands from when I smoked. Now that's something I can get behind. :-)

Feng Shui Loser

I bought a house a few months ago. It's a cool mid-century house, with only 2 previous owners during its entire lifespan. First, by the man who built it, and second by a nice woman and her kids.

When I moved in I knew I'd need some ideas on how to decorate and place things. I asked my friend Heather over for a Feng Shui consultation (if you're in the greater Seattle area and are looking for a solid and very reasonably priced Feng Shui expert, Heather is it!).

Heather came over and did an evaluation, giving tips on each room of the house. The thing about Feng Shui is that when approached sans hocus-pocus/superstition and sans rigidity, it just makes sense. Even if you don't buy into the idea of energy, most of the ideas around placement and colors just look good from a pure design perspective.

But I actually do believe in the whole energy flow thing, too. So that brings me to my story of how I'm a Feng Shui Loser.

When Heather was upstairs, we were looking at the sloped A-frame dormer ceilings. She pointed out that this could affect me as I slept, that there might be a feeling of pressing down from the ceiling. Can't argue that, so she said the cure would be to place a small mirror on the lamp, wall or bedside table angled upwards.

I went to a new-agey store that sells crystals, incense and whatnot and gathered some supplies. I was excited. I had a spring in my step, thinking about how much more spiffed up my house would be as I implemented a few simple corrections.

As I proudly took my purchases up to the register, the woman (let's call her Moonshadow) raised her brow and said "Ah, I see we're doing some Feng Shui?"

I beamed, but not too much, as I wanted to appear aloof, as though I'd been doing Feng Shui and this was old hat for me. "Yes, I'm just doing a few things around the house."

She pointed to the mirror I'd picked out, a tiny 8-sided affair. "What are you using this for?"



I told her about my A-frame celings, and how the mirror would help to correct that.

Moonshadow bristled and looked at me with eyes both world-weary and with a hint of pity. "Oh, no no no. This mirror is only for outside use. You would never use this indoors. For slanting ceilings, what you do is hang two flutes from the ceiling. Piece of cake, problem solved!"

I politely accepted her advice, but planned to go ahead with the mirror trick. I could see that she thought it was a complete waste of time that I use a mirror. But I'll be damned if I hang f'in flutes from the ceiling. That to me sounds like the Feng Shui equivalent of a fraternity pledge dare. It ain't happening.

I can just see it, I walk into the room, and continually hit my head on these frickin' flutes every time I walk in? No thank you.

I walked out with my purchases, and I could see her shaking her head, almost clucking to herself about such simpleminded fools as myself.

I put up the mirror that night, undaunted. And you know what? That teeny sliver of a mirror, to me, is holding up the whole ceiling. And that's good enough Feng Shui for me. M'kay?

My new fave radio show - TBTL

I have recently discovered a radio show that is rockin' my socks: TBTL (Too Beautiful to Live w/ Luke Burbank).
It's on 97.3 FM, a local show, at that!

As you know, I'm a fan of radio. And as you might also know, I've recently been disappointed with some of my previously loved radio shows:

http://ingypants.blogspot.com/fasting-from-tal.html

So imagine my surprise when I discovered this gem of a show. They talk about pop culture and news and things. Not a whole lot, really. But it's really fun and enjoyable. I'm going to recommend it to my friends who are even not in the greater Seattle area. It's just that good!

The mark of a good show - radio, tv or otherwise - is that it's engaging even when you're jetlagged. I had just flown in from a business trip last week, and got in during the evening when the show was on. I was so excited to enjoy it as I drove from the airport to my home. It was a gentle way to ease into my return home, after feeling a bit fried from the flight.

So, for those who want to take a sample of it, check it out here:

http://mynorthwest.com/?nid=93

And...enjoy!

Democrats kick a$$ in '09

First, there is this news story:
http://abcnews.go.com/Business/Politics/story?id=6740011&page=1

Second, there is this awesome lexulous move made by Kaytie. I mean, damn!

Clipped Wing

I fractured my wrist (radius) last week playing soccer on Wednesday. It was a dark and stormy night. I was going for the ball and fell down. My wrist broke the fall, and then I felt a dull immediate pain. I went into semi-shock and Kyle (our team's captain) helped me out.
He told me jokes, got me water, and even drove my car to my house and made sure I made it to the hospital.

Here is a pic of my hand before it got even more puffed up (the bottom bump is where the fracture occurred):



I got a cast last week that goes past my elbow. Basic everyday tasks have gotten pretty tricky. Bathing, opening zip-lock style food bags and opening doors are new and exciting adventures. I have figured out ways to use my mouth, knees and feet in ways previously unimagined.

I was feeling kinda blue about being all injured. I had this feeling I'd never heal. So I went to Wikipedia and looked up the bone healing process. It turns out that my body is healing the crap out of itself. It's quite cool. It's neat that the body has a blueprint of every bone and knows just how to repair it.

The latest issue is that things are starting to smell a little ripe-ish. I guess it's inevitable. But I can't just sit there and do nothing. So my current plan of attack is to use handy-wipes to keep my hand clean w/o using water, dousing the cast in pure lavender oil, and using this!:



It's kind of like the flowbee, but less creepy. It allows fresh air to flow through and reduces moisture, and thus reduces "the funk."

I'm going to the doctor's this Friday to check and make sure the bone didn't shift. I might even get a shorter cast if healing is going well. Fun!

Snow!

It's snowing up a storm here. Really beautiful, and fortunately I can work from home without a lot of disruption. I'm able to make some headway on some stuff that requires heads-down focus, so that's good.

I walked to the store a few minutes ago to pick up some provisions. On the way back I thought about things that are essential on a good snow day.

Yak Trax:


These little guys slip onto your shoes or boots and turn them into slip-proof footwear. I used them on solid ice and in snow, and they grip like nobody's business.

Toll House cookies:






There's nothing finer than warm cookies from the oven on a cold, blustery day. And it's just so easy!!








Creepy Ski Masks:




I don't wear a ski mask, as a general rule. I don't ski, for one, but I also don't like the whole creep-out factor. As I walked outside today though, the snow was whipping around from the wind. It stung my face, ouch!
So I thought today would be a perfect day to wear one of these scary children's ski masks.
I didn't, but it would have been fun.

Home for sale

I put my house on the market today. I decided it's time to move to a more spacious abode. I'm excited to soon be able to entertain more than 2 people at a time (my current house is quite petite), and to have some room for crafting and such.

My current house has become quite cute, though, I've got to say. I spent the last couple of years remodeling it. I think the thing I'll miss the most is the bathroom with the heated tile floor. Sooo nice on cold winter nights coming home from soccer. There's nothing finer than a heated tile floor for rain-chilled feet!



I found a new house in the same area (Burien is nice and reasonably priced, and it's become hometown for me). Now it's a matter of finding a buyer for my current house in a reasonable amount of time. It's kind of a tricky little shell game. I guess this is the norm, but to me it's a bit too up in the air. I like things to be pretty firm and solid.

If you're interested in my current abode, by the way, let me know!
The price is right! :-)